To Be a Friend
by Leesa Perrie
Summary: Set Season One, Rodney's POV. Thoughts on friendship.


**To Be a Friend**

**By Leesa Perrie**

_Set early to mid Season One_

What was that phrase again? Oh yes, to have a friend, first you must be a friend. Or something like that, anyway. His grandmother used to tell him that, whenever he was visiting her. She worried about him. About his lack of friends. But she never really got it, why he was so alone. Why childhood friendships never lasted long. Why, as he got older, he became isolated. The ones the bullies went after and the other kids teased or ignored. To have a friend you need to be a friend. That's what she had told him. Thinking that that was enough. That all he had to do was try harder. But she didn't get it. How can you be a friend, when you've never had a friend? I mean, a real friend. Not just a passing acquaintance. How can you be a friend when you don't know how, because no one has ever shown you?

He knew how to be the one everyone disliked. He knew how to be the one everyone avoided. To be the one who only made passing acquaintances. If that, even. When you learnt at a young age that so called friends turned on you. Used you and then discarded you. When even your own parents hated you. And your sister… well, he didn't know how to be a friend, and he certainly didn't know how to be a brother, it seemed.

So he spent his life wandering from place to place. Taking pride in his work. Because there was precious little else in his life. Getting a cat had been an act of desperation. Someone to come home to. Someone to love him. Conditional love, he knew, but that was okay with him. Feed the cat, care for the cat, and the cat would love him. Simple. Uncomplicated.

He had ended up abandoning the cat in the end. But that was okay, the cat was okay, so long as she was fed and cared for. She probably loved his neighbour as much as she had loved him. Probably had forgotten his existence, just like everyone else did, or wished they did.

He told himself he didn't need friends. Didn't need to be liked. That being hated was easier. That at least people were honest about their feelings if they disliked you. Hatred was hard to hide, and liking him was a sign of duplicity. Warning him away from that person.

He had let a few in over the years, though. People who had found a way past his barriers. And he had been burned. Again and again. Betrayed, or left behind when they were fed up with trying to be a friend to someone who didn't know how to be a friend back.

He was wary in Antarctica. Small base, few people. That was where the danger lay. Where, sometimes, people would try to befriend him. But, like in Russia, it never worked out in these places, and it wouldn't work out in Antarctica either. And, when he moved on, he was never missed. Well, his intellect was, but he, himself? He was never missed.

So when Dr Weir tried to see past his barriers, he was ready to push her away. When Dr Beckett reached out the hand of friendship, he pulled back. He was wary of their intentions, wary of letting them close. Knowing that the pressure would be worse when they reached Atlantis. That he would have to be even more careful, more vigilant. More alone.

And then an irritating fly boy Major trampled his Air Force issued boots right through his barriers. Not noticing them, or not caring. He didn't know which. Sheppard was a force that pulled people to him. McKay was not immune. And with his barriers weakened, he found himself falling into friendship with others. Elizabeth, Carson, Teyla… They entered into friendship with him, and wanted nothing in return. Except his friendship. And even in that, they were willing to make allowances. Were willing to teach him.

He still didn't know how to be a friend. He was sure he was making mistakes, big mistakes. But they… they weren't like all the others. They wouldn't abandon him, give up because he was too much work, too much effort to get to know.

Acceptance. They accepted him, faults and all.

To have a friend first you need to be a friend. And be willing to teach your friend about friendship itself, so that he can return the favour, and be a friend to you, and to others.

His grandmother hadn't been wrong, she just hadn't known it all.

The End


End file.
